Difficulties in Mutual Understanding Between the People
Dialogue is ability to self-expression, the most valuable thing in life without what the person simply could not exist. Without dialogue people become lonely and lose social activity. It means, that people should learn art of understanding, art of dialogue first of all if they want to avoid unnecessary sufferings, and the main thing - do not cause them to anybody. They should try to understand sense of human relationships. Laws of relationships are already known, but it is not enough. It would seem that everything is simple: know laws, observe people, collect experience - and everything will be clear for you.
But experience of dialogue shows only one thing: there are no clearness in human relationships. It seems that people are only occupied with creating each other set of unsoluble problems.
The person does not want to be lone. To leave from a state of loneliness, people have a desire of variations in their life - whether to change a residence, or to travel, to change a work or circle of familiars, and the largest hopes assign to the marriage, - and find even more acute feeling of loneliness: "loneliness together" is a double loneliness. Even among close friends we frequently feel lone. Our vitality depends not so much on us, but on those who are near to us, from those who communicate with us. A choice of the people, who will play the relevant role in our life is responsible and serious. The more wider will be the circle of close people the more qualitative the choice will be, the less conflictings and misunderstandings will be and the more easier you will get rid of loneliness.
"Conviction, that people marry not only for having children and intimal relationships, that lone life, as well as mental loneliness in marriage, are abnormal phenomenas, force to look at marriage still seriouslier." (A. Augustinavichute).
The people are not bent to maladjustment, dissents, discrepancies. But barriers in communication they makes by themselves. Primarily, when they do not take into consideration their state, have no knowledge of their own abilities, needs, motives of desires and have not enough force of will for control them. As though person tried to decide the problems or to justify a situation, he\she can not do it because of ignorance of himself\herself, especially on advice of others.
It is better to solve problems independently. When you use advices you lost your own view among many others. Then your situation is controlled not by you, but by your advicers, who don't have full vision of a situation and is indifferent to consequences. And in addition your independence allows to don't shift the problems on others.
Accepting solutions under influencing of advices people alter a situation in such way as they would like, but not how this situation advicers perceive. That is why because of circumstances people often overrides the internal feel, which one enables them to predict results of events, as far as they will be reasonable or unacceptable. In any case after premeditating, analyzing, the people reshape their own solution and draw a conclusions for themselves independently, but often too late.
The person, who really wants to help, does not advise, and helps to analyze a situation, without any estimation from his side, but affords a possibility to draw a conclusion and to make a decision to you. If you really want to help you have to know the person well. Only complementing partner - dual can do it best of all.
In dual relationships mutual understanding and mutual aid is natural, when partners easily percept each other and knowledge, develop and progress in their acts. Though there are some difficulties in communication in dual relationships too, but they can be avoided, they are not conflicts, but misunderstanding, mismatches, which arise under influencing of social settings, in which the partners were earlier, and experience acquiring during their life. In cases, where the conflict situations took place, hereafter person will be cautious, with a prejudice and nonconfidence to fall into new links, contacts, acquaintances. But in dual relationships the situations, acquiring by experience, lose the value with some time past.
In all other relationships, except for dual, the mutual understanding can exist some time to that moment, when there is a hopelessness, emptiness. The clearing up of reasons results in the bright conflict. It is possible to avoid it, regulating the distance in relationships.
The barriers in interpersonal relationships can be overcome not only by social transformings and reforms due to humanist ideals, but first of all by heightening of individual culture of communion, that results in mutual understanding between people.
Traditionally contacts between people start with demonstrating themselves and requests to the partner, to satisfy our concerns and needs. If partners do not receive what they need they begin to clear up their relationships, where they want to find obstacles in mutual understanding: the partners try to find a common language, communal stand, and as a result do not receive the help from each other. The way to mutual understanding starts with taking into account first of all needs and concerns of other and correlating them with own ones. The knowledge of socionic personality type of the partner enables to predict development of objective relationship and on the basis of it to keep an indispensable distance in communion. It is possible to adjust mutual understanding and conflictfree relationships with all, it is necessary only to know with whom of what distance to hold on.
People have one common feature in general: everyone need to communicate and to have collective activity, which gives a man a possibility to avoid loneliness. They can select those people, whose views coincide with their own, whose behavior, acts and notions are acceptable for them. By the way, the link between the people is retained only in that case, when the partners treat each other judgements with understanding and can accept them instead of search for uniformities of thinking or impose own vision.
Style of Communication can arise misunderstanding between people: when the person interacting with other people accents first of all his concerns and imposes his views, ignoring individuality of other person and even surpresses his personality. And the ignorance of our individual qualities as well as others always brings forth misunderstanding, dipping the person in a gloom of loneliness. And the difficulties in communion will be as long as people will not have objective knowledge of features of individual perception of the information by each person of a definite socionic personality type. Misunderstanding between people can be aroused by other factors, such as:
There are also other factors which influence on communication between people:
Such factors have a weight in nondual relationships. In dual relationships they are not an encumbrance in mutual understanding. The communion with dual is extremely necessary for disclosure ourself and personal view on life. Any manifestation of dual is perceived without encumbrances, though it can not be at once. The social status of dual has no value, when such person is near, mutual understanding and mutual aid take place by itself.
The differences between the partners potentiate them mutual enrichment and compatibility, when they can mentally supplement each other, or on the contrary - the differences can become a reason of any misunderstanding and conflicts, which bring foth disposal and form mental discomfort. Therefore at acquaintance it is possible easily to make an error, having experienced discrepancy, that not at once, but with some time past will bring conflict. A reason to this are the natural objective relationships, which discovers socionics.